Ann has an appointment with Dr. Simone on Wednesday to discuss the next steps regarding her breast cancer treatments. Since next week will be short  anyway because of Monday being off for Labor Day, we initially said that I won't accompany her. Especially since I'm getting close to implement a very important project at work and time is getting tight.
However, today Ann asked me if there would be a chance if I could come with her anyway. What really surprised me was the way I reacted. I told her that it would be really tough for me because of the project and yadiyadiya.
A split second later I felt guilty. And not necessarily because of what and how I said it, but rather because I realized that in general, lately, I seem to take the whole situation (overly?) lightly. Maybe I purposely try to block it out. Of course I'm not oblivious to what's going on, but in that very second I did realize that I might have taken things a little bit too easy lately.
Anyway, I blocked the time in my calendar and I will defintely go with her to this important meeting. It's important to me, too, doubtlessly.

About four hours after that, I broke out in tears. I don’t know, maybe because I felt ashamed of myself. Or maybe because reality hit me again. Ann got cancer, and aggressive form. It's a Grade III breast cancer after all. What if despite all the good news we got in the past, something is lingering somewhere? What if all the things we do or not enough or simply not right? What if there is no "right" thing to do?

I don't know. I talked to Ann about how I felt and she said that she actually found some very encouraging statistics online and a tool where you can punch in your cancer parameters and it projects the risk of recurrence and mortality rates. Indeed, looking at the numbers and graphs, it actually looks very encouraging.

I'm too tired now but I will share with you the details over the next few days.
(Well, I know that actually nobody reads my blog or gets on my website at this point, because it's still not being noticed by Google or other search engines.

But who knows, maybe someday, someway....